you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
