I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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