It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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