i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your topless pictures make me question reality
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
