I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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