I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just high enough for therapy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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