she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
