do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
