Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
