I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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