I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
