My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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