Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
