I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
