Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
