I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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