So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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