oh god the rape fog is back!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
