I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
