I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
