Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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