apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
