when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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