"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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