Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
