Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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