When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
