the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
