My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
