Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
