his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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