i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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