The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
