I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
