I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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