he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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