Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
