Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
