DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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