last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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