Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
