I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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