just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
