he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
