Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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