you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
