Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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