so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
