If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
