eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
