well he's currently spooning the coffee table
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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