I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
